I need words

words

I need words

I need hundreds of words
I need thousands of words
I need hundreds of thousands of words
I need millions of words

I need words

I got pictures
I got all kinds of pictures in my brain

I got symbols
I got icons
I got images running around in my brain
flooding my brain
drowning my brain
saying meaning signifying this + that + the other

I got music
I got rhythm
I got shapes
I got sizes
I got it all

except words

words

I need words

words to say this
words to say that
words to say the other

words + words + words + words +
last time I looked I didn’t have the words
last time I looked I couldn’t find the words
last time I looked the words weren’t there

oh yeah
I could hear em talking behind my back
two-faced bastards
I could feel em moving around in my head
like rats behind walls
I could smell em hiding behind the pictures in my
brain

chickenshit words

one word
two words
three words
four score + seven motherfucking words ago
four score + seven motherfucking words ago
four score + seven motherfucking words ago
I had words

words to say what I had to say

words

words to make you laugh
words to make you cry
words to turn you on
words to turn you off
words to turn you to me
words to turn you from me
words to make you wet

words baby

hipster-hopster words on crack
words I never would take back

words

I got something to say and i’m not saying it
I got something to say and i’m not saying it
I got something to say and i’m not saying it
so dig me

I’m digging myself a grave
building myself a tomb
constructing a post-modern mausoleum of wordlessness
for me
to me
what’ll you do me
I want words

absurd words
deferred words
inferred preferred referred fucking goddamn before and
after words
to go along with
the pictures
the symbols
the icons
the images
rotting in my brain
like so much dead fucking flesh
without words

I need words

can you dig it

© 1997 Charlie Newman

the giz (from "the kiNd of history they doN’t teach
iN school")

I am sitting
on the floor
of the bedroom
in my condo
at seventh and main
with Ashley
the how old is she
diva from heaven
trying to get good
after seeing Noel
the twenty three year old
poet who I love
with another man
at the Twice Told
I am down
jonesin’ for her
like a junkie
crying
like some dumbfuck teen
shaking
like it’s winter
which it’s not
Ashley
the how old is she
diva from heaven
is prepping
the giz
and reading me
hard
I’m not ready
for this Mister Man
she says
pushing the screen
in tight
you’re begging
her to dis you
and she’s doing it
the loss is hers
she says
you always treated her
so well
but she can’t handle you
Ashley
the how old is she
diva from heaven
says
while she loads the giz
you have me
anyway
she stops talking
holds my plain chrome zippo
to the end
of the giz
and hits it
I watch
the smoke curl
down the tube
thickening
as it whirls
in the bowl
rolls through the chamber
and dances
past her luscious lips
till nothing’s left
and I know
that when the blond
bogarts
the giz
I don’t get
good
so I’m wired
and let down
but Ashley
the how old is she
diva from heaven
leans forward
puts her hot open lips
on mine
and
blows that thick
sweet
smoke
into me
she leans back
smiles
and waits
seconds later
I am smiling
back at her
feel better baby?
she asks
and I start laughing
she loads
the giz again
hits it hard
and gives me
another euphoric kiss
as if her
straight kiss
wouldn’t be enough
she puts the giz down
and wraps
me in her arms
get over it baby
she says
holding me
like I’m precious
I’m smiling
visions of Noel
the twenty three year old
poet who I love
fade
replaced
by memories
of Ashley
the how old is she
diva from heaven
and me
together
not so long ago
when we were
one hot number
when there was no one else
in my life
after Kathy
my forty two year old
just ex wife
left me for Greg
her thirty nine year old
lover from la la land
who she will fuck
but not marry
but all that
is near invisible
ancient
history
as long as
the giz
gets me good
and Ashley
the how old is she
diva from heaven
holds me
like I mean something
after
I don’t know how long
she leans down
puts her ear to mine
like putting my ear
to some impossible
delicate
beautiful
sea shell
and says
can you hear my ear ringing?
she laughs
her celestial hum
spins around mine
in my head
she
turns to me
faces me
puts her soft
aggressive
lips
on mine
and sucks the pain
from me
for awhile

© 1995 Charlie Newman

27.01.00 — zen

so where is my zen
when
I need it
?
I need it
now
I need it
and how
so where is it
?
I got zen out the ass
I got style and class
and I got a free pass
when I’m flush
But my zen slips away
like these words that I say
and it all fades to gray
when I’m           

[hush]

so I’m asking again
if you know where my zen
went how why or when
but especially where
cause I really do care
and it just isn’t fair
can you dig it?
no I don’t have the deed
and I don’t have the creed
and I don’t have my zen
when
I need
it

© 2000 Charlie Newman

23.04.00 - Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce said what was
on his mind and
in his heart and
over his head and
undermined his own damn future

Lenny Bruce said it
loud and
proud and
for cryin’ out loud
you shoulda listened
when you had the chance

Lenny Bruce said it
funny and
sad and
between your eyes and
behind your back and
in his sleep

it was never a question of
if
just
when
and
where
and
how
and
who
would pull the trigger

© 2000 Charlie Newman

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